Settledness

 

I have fought incredibly hard for a settledness that now is the marker of my
 mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual life.⁣

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I used to be: ⁣

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*discontent even though I have everything I have most deeply desired⁣

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*obsessed with what everyone was saying and thinking⁣

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* quick to anger and overwhelm and to taking everything as a personal offense⁣

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* addicted to the process of working through drama and conflict and unable to settle into the peace of any relationship ⁣

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* skilled at distorting my own perception so that everything around me was magnified and everything coming from within me was excused and justified⁣

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* lacking grace and unable to truly love others unless they were what I imagined or desired them to be ⁣

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* unable to dwell within my life, always looking for ways to avoid my own thoughts and the work needed to navigate them in wisdom and maturity⁣

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* unable to truly delight in anything, always finding a way to see everything as *almost* good ⁣

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* a naval gazer, unable to look beyond myself to see, much less savor, the goodness of my very good life ⁣

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* in a consistent pendulum swing between avoiding my trauma to wallowing within my emotions and using them as an excuse to be miserable and make everyone around me miserable ⁣

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Turbulent. 

I used to be turbulent. 

And, by the incredible and sufficient grace of Christ, I’m now none of those things. ⁣

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As I write this, I’m sitting at my table drinking a hot cup of my favorite beverage, planning lessons for the next term of our year, and looking around my home at all of the markers of this glorious life I’ve been given. ⁣

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As I sit here, my marriage has never been better (we made it to the good part ♥️), I’m healthy and strong, I am in the most rewarding season of homeschooling yet, I truly love motherhood, I am an entrepreneur doing work that I love and am good at, I have enduring and edifying friendships, and my faith is marked by a deep and abiding peace.⁣

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I also still have pain and God has given me many “sovereign no’s”. I have bad days and I struggle.⁣

And more difficulty will come. 

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But, I’m truly content. ⁣

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I’m settled. ⁣

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It took so long to get here. But it was worth it all. ⁣

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God is kind. ♥️

If you’re still fighting the good fight for settledness and contentment, 

keep on. 

Do not give up.

Keep reading for: 
Lessons I've Learned About Settledness 
More Settledness Lessons 
Practical Ways to Fight for Settledness